EXPLOSION! (a.k.a. The Expendables)

Think back to the late 80's-mid 90's when the coolest thing to do in an action movie was to try to count all of the explosions. You didn't care about plot or character development or anything else that decides if a movie is good now-days. Well, "The Expendables" brought that nostalgic feeling back in spades.

Our movie centers around Sylvester Stallone. Yes his character has a name, but do I remember it? Absolutely not. But back to our synopsis, Sly has a band of mercenaries. Do I know for sure they're mercenaries? Well kinda, I mean it's a pretty good assumption. Do I know where all of the members of this team get their experience, no. Do I care? No.

Anyway Sly's group, called The Expendables and the only reason I know that is because 2 of them have tattoos that say it and it's on some of their motorcycles, are hired out to kill a General that is controlling an island. But is that what they're REALLY doing? Of course not, there's somebody behind it all, but I'm sure you guessed that.

So what's this movie about? Blowing stuff up, shooting people, and punching guys in the face. It's the kind of stuff that puts hair on your chest and makes you want to drink a glass of nails. Yeah, get out your Old Spice gentlemen, because this is a man's movie. Don't expect to bring a date, women don't have enough testosterone to understand.

The cast was, well, abundant. Ah-nold and Bruce Willis have their short cameos that take up a whopping 4 minutes (roughly) of screentime. And while Big Bruce might have been trying to up-play his part a little much, Ah-nold was suprisingly good. All of the advertised names had some screen time, the lowest was Terry Crews which was unfortunate but he well made up for his absence with his choice of weaponry (two words, automatic shotgun).

I felt that Dolph Lundgren was suprisingly good, and while I craved a rematch between him and Rocky, it didn't happen. However, one fight that I wanted to see very much DID, in fact, happen. Yes, Randy Couture and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin did have a decent fight toward the end of the movie, and the fanboy in me cheered the entire time.

Sly and Jason Statham took up the majority of the screen time, and it wasn't bad. About as much as you could expect from a BOOM movie. Mickey Rourke played the outside guy that everyone hung out with, and he did alright. Jet Li didn't get as much action as I thought he would of, but it worked in a way.

The most suprising thing about this movie was the notable actors that weren't advertised. Good ol' Eric Roberts plays the sleazy guy that is controlling the General, and does a fine job. It was a part that I feel he should be typecast into if he isn't already. My awkward teenage self cheered when I saw Charisma Carpenter's name stroll through the credits (of Buffy and Angel fame) who plays Statham's gal. She still looks amazing after almost a decade after Angel.

All in all, if you like explosions and guns, this is the movie for you. The plot was horrible, but who cares? I sure didn't. If you're a manly man, you will watch this movie, or forever be called panty-man.

THE RATINGS

Based on: Every manly action movie ever.

Action: 9.5/10 Yeah if I didn't mention it before, stuff blows up A LOT.

Acting: 4/10 Not many notable performances here. It seems that Randy Couture is starting to get a little more comfortable in front of the camera, and Dolph Lundgren's performance could be the foundation for a long-deserved comeback. I so desperately wanted Terry Crews to yell "EXPLOSION" while making his biceps dance, but unfortunately it didn't happen.

Plot: 2/10 Yeah, the plot was that bad, but who cares? Chicks might, but they shouldn't go anyway.

Overall: 7.5/10 If the plot mattered of course it would be lower, but I'm pretty sure it got blown up during the filming of this movie. Be a man, go see it.

The Other Guys really shows up.

From the movie trailers and tv spots, you wouldn't really think of The Other Guys a direct parody of buddy cop movies at first glance. However, after the opening scene you can see that it, in fact, is such a parody. While not overly done as say "Scary Movie" or the upcoming film "Vampires Suck", this film is a parody in its finest form, and done brilliantly.

Our story focuses on Gamble (Will Ferrel) a police accountant turned detective, and Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg) a laughing stock of the NYPD. When the top dog detectives are gone (fantastic cameos from Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) someone's got to fill their shoes. Gamble and Hoitz compete against a rival duo (played by Damon Wayans Jr. and Rob Riggle [one of the cops in "The Hangover]) to become the next big team. After Gamble inspects what seems to be a very miniscule case, turns into a much bigger problem (as you could probably imagine).

While the plot, as in most movies lately, was fairly shallow, it's very evident that it's not what this movie is about. Slapstick comedy, sattire, and blatant parody fuel this flick, and it works. Will Ferrel has perfected the art of playing the man-child, and it works very well here. Some great performances by supporting actors, such as police chief Michael Keaton and Mrs. Gamble Eva Mendez while a short cameo from Derek Jeter as himself, fill out a very well-rounded movie with a lot of laughs.

All in all, in a summer that is seemingly short of laughs, "The Other Guys" fit the bill.

THE RATINGS

Based on: Nothing directly, but a parody of just about every buddy-cop movie ever made.

Plot: 4/10. The same basic plot as just about every other movie of it's kind out there, and the ending just wasn't that fantastic. It seemed to come out of nowhere, with nothing set up or eluded to, but by the time it comes, you don't honestly care so not a big falling point in my opinion.

Acting: 7.5/10 Will Ferrel, as mentioned earlier, has perfected the role of man-child. Marc Wahlberg did a decent job of playing a loser cop trying to act tough. Michael Keaton was very funny in his role, as was Eva Mendez. The cameos by Sam L. and The Rock were stellar. Overall, good performances from all.

Comedy: 8/10. I was laughing more often than not, with everyone providing at least one good laugh throughout the movie (unlike other comedies that have only 1 or 2 great comedic performances).

Overall: 8/10. If I was coming into this movie looking for a fantastic storyline the rating would be far lower, but thankfully I wasn't and you shouldn't either, because you will have a good time if you don't.

Dinner for Schmucks was a good time.

If I laugh at a movie, then it did something right, and I laughed quite a few times at Dinner for Schmucks. Solid performances by Steve Carrell and Zach Galifinakis brought home the show to an otherwise average (and sometimes even dull) movie.

Our movie begins with Tim (Paul Rudd of Clueless and various Judd Apatow movies) trying to get a promotion at work. His boss invites him to a "special" dinner where he has to bring an idiotic friend for everyone to make fun of. After a small personal dilemma, he runs into Barry (Steve Carrell of The Office) an IRS worker that has an interesting hobby. Tim invites Barry to the dinner the next evening, but Barry gets the dates mixed up and arrives at Tim's house that evening; right as his girlfriend is leaving after a fight. Barry tries to fix everything, and that pretty much takes the rest of the movie.

The dinner is a great scene, unfortunately only 2 actors really act in it. There is a lot of other good talent attending (such as Jeff Dunham who is possibly displaying a new puppet for his stand up routine?) but you really just don't see any of them.

All in all, "Dinner for Schmucks" was a good time. It's not heavily plot driven, but leans on the talents of Steve Carrell and Zach Galifinakis (of The Hangover) to get the movie through.

THE RATINGS

Based on: 1998 French Film "The Dinner Game".

Plot: 5/10. Nothing special here, and the ending was predictable.

Acting: 7/10. There is a lot of underused talent in this movie. Paul Rudd is just the typical confused lead role, with nothing special going on about him. Steve Carrell and Zach Galifinakis did a great job, however Zach was used way too little. The other talent in this movie is hardly noticable, and that's unfortunate.

Comedy: 7/10. There were a few parts that were genuinely funny, but if I wasn't laughing, I was bored.

Overall: 6/10. It was a good laugh, and with the lack of other comedies out there right now, worth your money. However, if you're in the mood to see an overall better movie, there are much better options (like "Inception").